Montevista | Finding Meaning After Loss: Kessler’s Sixth Stage of Grief Explained
Finding Meaning After Loss: Kessler’s Sixth Stage of Grief Explained
David Kessler, who co-authored the five stages of grief with Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, introduced a sixth stage: finding meaning. It doesn’t replace acceptance or signal that grief is “over.” Instead, it reflects the human need to weave loss into a continuing story. This guide explores what meaning-making looks like, how to approach it authentically, and practical ideas for honoring your loved one.
What does “finding meaning” mean?
Meaning-making is the process of understanding how a loss shapes your life going forward. It might involve:
- Recognizing lessons you learned from your loved one
- Continuing their traditions or values
- Advocating for causes connected to their story
- Creating rituals that keep their memory active
Meaning doesn’t imply that the death was “meant to be.” It simply acknowledges that love continues influencing your choices.
When are you ready for the sixth stage?
There’s no timeline, but common indicators include:
- You can think about your loved one without overwhelming distress every time.
- Daily routines feel stable, even if sadness still appears.
- You feel curious about how to honor their legacy.
- You want to talk about them in hopeful as well as sorrowful ways.
If grief still feels acute, focus on stabilization and self-care first. Meaning-making can wait until you have emotional bandwidth.
Meaning-making practices
1. Storytelling
- Write or record stories about your loved one’s impact.
- Create a digital archive with photos, recipes, or playlists.
- Share stories with younger relatives who didn’t know them well.
2. Acts of service
- Volunteer for organizations related to their passions (animal shelters, veteran groups, arts programs).
- Organize donation drives on their birthday or death anniversary.
- Support causes tied to their illness (cancer research, mental health services).
3. Creative memorials
- Commission art—paintings, quilts, or jewelry—incorporating meaningful symbols.
- Plant trees or gardens with plaques describing their legacy.
- Write songs, poems, or essays capturing shared moments.
4. Personal growth commitments
- Live out values they embodied: patience, humor, activism, faith.
- Pursue goals they encouraged (education, travel, hobbies).
- Build new traditions that include them symbolically (extra place setting, candle lighting, signature meal).
Reflection prompts
Use these journaling questions to explore meaning:
- What qualities did my loved one model that I want to carry forward?
- How has this loss changed the way I view time, relationships, or priorities?
- Which memories bring me strength or guidance?
- How can I share pieces of their story with others?
- What small action this month could honor their legacy?
Navigating obstacles
- Guilt: You may feel guilty for finding joy or moving forward. Remind yourself that honoring their life includes living yours fully.
- Family disagreements: Loved ones differ in how they want to memorialize. Discuss expectations openly and allow individual expressions alongside shared rituals.
- Traumatic circumstances: Finding meaning after sudden or violent deaths may require trauma-informed therapy before legacy work feels possible.
Meaning-making with children
- Invite children to choose remembrance activities (crafts, letters, memory boxes).
- Encourage them to tell stories about the loved one to friends or teachers.
- Help them identify ways the person still influences their lives (“Grandma taught me to bake; I can bake cookies for others.”)
Monte Vista support for legacy projects
Monte Vista Memorial Gardens can work with families on:
- Burial plot memorialization options as the cemetery develops
- Referrals to grief coaches specializing in meaning-making after traumatic loss
- Connecting families with community organizations for storytelling and legacy workshops
- Guidance on memorial resources throughout the Bay Area
We provide guidance without prescribing a specific path—meaning is deeply personal.
Key takeaways
- Finding meaning is a sixth stage of grief focused on integrating loss into your ongoing life.
- Readiness varies; wait until daily life feels relatively stable before diving into legacy projects.
- Storytelling, service, creativity, and personal growth offer tangible ways to honor your loved one.
- Support is available if guilt, conflict, or trauma complicates the meaning-making process.
Looking for ideas to honor a loved one?
Call Monte Vista at 510-299-1174 to explore memorial options, storytelling workshops, and community events that help families find meaning together.